Disney fans are melting down all over the internet after Splash Mountain permanently closed at Disney World in Orlando.
The popular and polarizing log flume ride is being re-themed and reimagined as Tiana’s Bayou Adventure, and it’s safe to say social media’s Disney adults and the “anti-woke” crowd are not happy about it:
I mean, FFS! People are eulogizing this thing like it’s a dead dog or a recently deceased relative! They even made a memorial to the ride in the park!
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s a building. A theme park ride, and an outdated one at that. Take the racially-charged ties away for a minute. Splash Mountain was full of archaic animatronics and ancient ride mechanics anyway. It was in desperate need of serious refurbishment.
Now, add the ride’s background and history back into the equation. I don’t need to get into the specifics, but ScreenCrush explained the whole thing pretty well several years ago. It’s divisive and controversial to say the very least.
Disney has done its very best to erase the film from its catalog; you can’t find the film on Disney+ or any other Mouse-adjacent website or app. The only place you can really find it is by internet bootleg or the public-run Internet Archive.
Bob Iger called Song of the South “not appropriate in today’s world” due to its cultural depictions that are outdated, to put it minimally.
In that vein, it shouldn’t be surprising or all that upsetting to anyone that Disney is taking Song of the South out of its theme parks, too. I mean, it came out in 1946! It’s 2023 now!
Yet, people are still upset. Why!? There must be better and more worthwhile things to get defensive about.
There’s even a (now-failed) petition to “save” the ride, and it got nearly 100,000 signatures!? 100,000 people care that much about a ride!?
And, Disney adults, guess what? The ride probably isn’t even changing that much! It will likely have the exact same or very similar layout with newer scenes and storytelling based on Princess and the Frog – a newer and more recognizable film for park-goers who don’t predate the Civil Rights Movement.
Plus, The Princess and the Frog contains all the geographical connections (the bayou, duh!) and spiritual themes (Voodoo!) to produce an interesting and immersive log flume ride. It’ll probably be better than Splash Mountain anyway!
Plus, we’ll likely get to see this guy blast away on the trumpet. The ride almost makes itself!
So, Disney adults: Let’s take a chill pill, alright! No reason to panic, freak out, or eulogize. Disney parks will be just fine, if not better, after Splash Mountain is reimagined. Yeah, it stinks to see anything we enjoy go away, but can you just consider that this move is absolutely for the better?
While you’re mourning the loss of a theme park ride and waiting for the new version to open, at least you can purchase “real, authentic Splash Mountain water” on eBay.
Follow Nick Hedges on Twitter @nicktrimshedges or Instagram @nicktrimshedges